How to Avoid Labeling Yourself鈥攐r Letting Others Label You鈥攁s a Victim
Gary McClain, PhD, is a faculty member in the School of Health Sciences and therapist who specializes in helping clients deal with the emotional impact of chronic and life-threatening illnesses.
Victim. We seem to hear that word a lot lately. 鈥淰ictim鈥� is often used to describe individuals who are living with challenges that are not of their own choosing, that came about randomly, or were perpetrated upon them by others. Furthermore, victim also implies that other people have to step in and take care of you, because you can鈥檛 take care of yourself.
鈥淰ictim鈥� is also sometimes used as a derogatory term, to describe people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves and instead look to others to take care of them. We have a very complicated relationship with that word, for sure.
If you鈥檙e living with a chronic condition, I suspect that what you have read so far has already pushed a button or two, or brought up some unpleasant memories.
Health and victimhood
My clients often talk to me about their own perceptions of, and experiences with, the word 鈥渧ictim.鈥� Here are a few examples:
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 ask to live with a chronic condition. It鈥檚 the last thing I would have chosen. So while I don鈥檛 want to be referred to as a victim, let鈥檚 face it, I kind of am.鈥�
鈥淚 was just venting with a friend about some issues I was having lately with managing my chronic condition. She said to me, 鈥楧o you think it鈥檚 healthy for you to play the victim role?鈥� I was so angry and hurt. All I needed was for her to listen, not judge.鈥�
鈥淢y wife worries about me, and I appreciate that. But sometimes she does things for me before I have a chance to do them for myself. I have tried to explain to her that when she does that, she makes me feel like I am some kind of victim. And I鈥檓 not!鈥�
To me, these comments bring home the complicated feelings that individuals living with chronic conditions have in regard to the victim word.
When I hear the victim word applied directly to someone as a result of a health condition, it is generally referring to a diagnosis of a more catastrophic nature. I guess that鈥檚 why, for example, we often hear of someone described as a 鈥渃ancer victim.鈥�
